Introducing the Direct Hit - Part 1
Cuts to the RED Scout evading the BLU Heavy in Granary Heavy: You stupid Scout! Scout: Oh, whatsamatta? You're too fat to catch up to me? (laughs) Cuts to the barrel of the Soldier's Rocket Launcher as he fires a rocket. Transitions to slo-mo; the camera pans over to the rocket and continues viewing it as it gets launched towards the Scout The rocket successfully hits the Scout, instantly gibbing him Heavy: (catches up and ceases running) что случилось? Camera zooms out, viewing the Soldier by his legs Soldier: Cuh-rit! Heavy: большое спасибо! Thank you, Soldier! Cuts to the Soldier Soldier: (laughs to himself) Mission accomplished! (salutes) Two hours later Soldier: (reading a magazine and discovers an ad for the Direct Hit) Huh? Cuts to a close-up of the advertisement itself, then back to the Soldier Soldier: (grins, then whistles) Now that's a beauty. One week later The nine mercenaries for the BLU team spawn in the resupply rooms in Watchtower, with Soldier sitting on a bench Administrator: (over intercom) Mission begins in 60 seconds. Scout: Oh, come on, can you speed it up? My bat's itchin' to bonk someone on their friggin' noggin! Administrator: (sighs) Fine. Mission begins now. Go! Go! Go! The mercenaries run off into battle, with the Soldier still resting on the bench Scout: (returns to the resupply room) Hey, Soldier, what the hell? Go! Go! Go! Soldier: Well, ya see, cadet. I'm waiting for a special delivery. Scout: Ooh-hoo-hoo, I'm not surprised. Soldier: Shut up, maggot. Just wait and see what a skilled soldier like me has in stock. Scout: Oh... whatever. There's no doubt you're not even gonna use it, anyways. Also, I don't any friggin' delivery truck's gonna come as of this point, considering that we're surrounded by some rock barrier. Soldier: Eh, you're right... Scout: Ooh-hoo-hoo, was I right or was I right, dumbass? Soldier: ...because it's being shipped by chopper! Scout: Wait, wha? A helicopter sound is heard from outside Cuts to the battlefield. The RED and BLU mercenaries hear the helicopter sound, which gets their attention Heavy: What is helicopter doing here? The helicopter reveals a wooden crate labeled "Mann Co." from below, then drops it Cuts to the RED Scout and BLU Spy Scout: (knocks down the Spy with his Bat) If ya ever think about goin' near my ma again, I'll- Spy: Look above you. Scout: What? He looks above and screams as the Mann Co. Supply Crate drops on him, killing him Spy: Here lies Scout. He ran fast and died a virgin! (laughs) Cuts back to the BLU team's resupply room Scout: Uh... Soldier: (laughs) Told ya, maggot! In your face! Scout: Shut up, be glad I didn't massacre the crap out of ya. The Soldier runs outside the resupply room and over to the Mann Co. Supply Crate Soldier: (laughs) Oh, it's here. It's finally here! Spy: Um... what is that? Soldier: Only the best thing I ever ordered... Pause Soldier: Um... where's the damn key? A key for the Mann Co. Supply Crate is dropped from the helicopter Soldier: Thank god. He unlocks the crate, causing it to open up as the sides of the crate fall apart The item from the crate glows brightly Soldier: (gasps) Cuts to BLU Medic and Sniper Medic: (his backpack uses a Kritzkrieg) Aah, my eyes! Zey burn! Sniper: (while carrying the Hitman's Heatmaker) Don't be foolin' around, doc. I've seen even brighter things that can hurt you, like the sun. Medic: Vell, who would even be enough of a dummkopf to do somesing shtupid like zat? Demoman: (offscreen) Aye, Dell! Doesn't the sun look so beautiful? Engineer: Now, Tavish, I don't think you should- Demoman: (gets blinded) My eyes! Engineer: Um, you only have one eye, ya know. Medic: (facepalm) Schweinhund. Sniper: (headshake) Wanker. Back to the Soldier and his crazy obsession over the weapon from the Mann Co. Supply Crate The weapon from inside stops glowing, revealing to be the Direct Hit Soldier: (gasps) Oh, man, I can't believe it! It's what I hoped for! Er, I mean... (clears throat) the weapon I was desiring for... now delivered with no repercussions. Spy: Um, ce que l'enfer is that? Soldier: Only the best weapon ever. Spy: Well, tell me what it's called. Soldier: The Direct Hit. This beauty's rockets are even more powerful and they trail at an approximate rate of 80% faster. Plus, shooting this at someone airborne from an explosion will massacre them instantly. Spy: Those seem like some good aspects, but do you even know any of the downsides? Soldier: I doubt this thing even has any. Maybe I'll just go through a simple test run with it first. He picks up the Direct Hit and tries picking a target. He then spots a RED Pyro and decides to fire a rocket at it Soldier: Gotcha, cupcake! Category:Sidestories Category:TF2 Shorts